Archives for February 2020

We’ve all been there. You know, that conversation with a group of people–or maybe even just one– that suddenly takes a turn and the next thing you know someone who is very much NOT present in the conversation begins to be discussed, maybe not in the most positive light?

And so, today I want to talk about gossip. What it is, how to avoid it, and especially amongst women, why it is SO, so important that we get rid of it.

Society tells us girls that we are “naturally inclined” for cattiness, drama, and most definitely, gossip. This makes me sick to me stomach and so frustrated. It’s about time we show society otherwise, ladies!

So what exactly is “gossip”? According to the dictionary definition, gossip is “casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true”. I would take it a step further and say that gossip can also be engaging in negative conversation about someone’s life that is a true report of what’s happening.

The biggest thing I believe we need to begin asking ourselves is this: why is it that we gossip? And second: if this person we are speaking about was present in the conversation, would we be speaking the same way we are?

So often I feel like gossip comes about when there is a lack of creativity in what to talk about next. Girls, I know we’re creative & insightful & curious & smart and that we can think of more things to talk about than other people! Let’s start talking about our dreams, goals, what we’re reading, what we’re learning, how God is working in our lives, etc… and let’s NOT talk about what Karen did on Saturday night and how she is “x, y, or z” because of it. Karen (also, Karen is not a real person in my life– I just made this name up) is a human being who makes mistakes like all of us and deserves to be treated with love & kindness even when she is not present in the conversation.

Now, sometimes we run into a sticky situation where we are struggling with a friend or another person in our life and need to process what is happening with a safe person. I do believe that it is okay to talk about how someone else is impacting you with a safe & trusted person IF the intention is to bring resolution to the relational issues AND if you would feel comfortable having that third person there listening to how you are speaking about them. It is so, so important that if discussion of someone else is happening, that it is coming from a place of love and hopeful resolution and not from a place of trying to speak poorly about her/him to make us feel “better”. If you catch yourself “ranting” about someone, it’s maybe time to question whether we should be “ranting” in the first place about another human being. You feel me?

I will never forget the time I walked into a local restaurant in my hometown to see a group of women (who also were moms) sitting at the bar and speaking poorly about other peoples’ kids. I overheard rumors and expressions of “genuine concern”, as one woman put it, as they practically ripped to shreds the character of a small child. They then continued on to critique how another mom parents her child and that the couple they’re friends with just “seems” to not be happy with one another. And then one woman said something that I will never ever to this day forget: “they aren’t here, we shouldn’t be speaking bad about them”.

^THIS. This right here is how we should all be handling situations we find ourselves in where gossip comes about. Let’s rise up and become the generation (or multi-generations) of women and girls who stop the gossip right in its track. “She’s not here, let’s not speak about her poorly. So, did you here about that new personal development book?!” (LOL. This would be my line of choice.) Know your line of choice and divert the conversation. Stop the gossip before it has the ability to take hold of the conversation. We have the ability to be the light in conversations that may stray so far from all that is good and this ability can bring so much more conversation that encourages instead of tearing down.

Y’all, WE ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS. I am choosing to break down the generational lines of gossip that have continued in our society. We are intelligent & kind & insightful & have beautiful hearts and God calls us to LOVE one another through our words and actions, even when that person isn’t always present or they did something not so great on Saturday night or they made a mistake or we just aren’t really liking them all that much in this season. CHOOSE to see the good in people and speak of the good in them when they aren’t present in the conversation. I promise it’ll change the way you see people & will change the way the people around you see people.

And if you ever have been gossiped about, I want you to know this: I’ve been there too and I know your hurt, sister. Your worth, value, character, or integrity is not reliant on what someone else says about you when you’re not even present in the conversation. You’re kind, even when you maybe do something not so kind. You’re brave, even when you feel fear. You’re beautiful inside and out. And you’re enough just as you are. Remind yourself of that.

Let’s end the gossip, ladies. It’s about time we prove society wrong.

Always,

Elle