I’ll never forget the first time I watched the movie “Mean Girls”. I was thirteen years old and was at a friend’s sleepover party when all the girls came to the consensus that it was the perfect night for us to spend a couple hours watching Regina George & her possé rule the school in some not-so-nice ways until Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan in real life) enters the picture. Being the oldest child, PG-13 movies were not introduced to me until I was twelve and watched “Wimbledon” with my mom (a movie about a tennis love story, LOL), so this was a BIG DEAL. I quickly texted my mom asking for her permission to watch the movie & when she told me I could watch it with my middle school squad, I was beyond excited.
Now, the point of this blog post isn’t to talk solely about my PG-13 movie endeavors, I promise. But when I was thinking of the words and experiences I have had that have shaped how I view popularity, this movie instantly came to mind.
In our culture, particularly as I was going through my young teen years, the word “popular” was very taboo. Movies like “Mean Girls” often portrayed popularity as a terrible thing that comes about when you frighten everyone in your high school by being downright cruel and wearing pink velour sweatsuits. But what I’ve realized is that popularity is actually, by definition, the opposite of this. The dictionary defines popularity as “the state or condition of being liked, admired, or supported by many people”.
And here’s the thing y’all… I desire to be liked, admired, and supported by many people. I think a lot of us do. By its dictionary definition, I’ve come to realize that I guess I do desire to be “popular”. I want people to like me. I want people to support me. I want people to admire me. I want to have a lot of friends.
And if you’re anything like me, when I’m not feeling liked or admired or supported by lots of people, I feel down on myself. I feel lonely. I feel like maybe I’m just not worthy of being liked by everyone. Especially me, being the enneagram 3w2 that I am, with a strong desire to achieve and perform all.the.time, I struggle with this one. I struggle with a desire to be “popular”.
I recently was having a conversation with one of my good friends about her sadness that she feels like she hasn’t found her “group” here in college. She explained to me that she has quite a few great friends but she doesn’t feel like there’s a large number of people who all together desire to be her friend. I listened and affirmed her that she is absolutely amazing and loved, despite this feeling she is having. She felt better and I was grateful I could hopefully help her feel more confident in her worth and the relationships she has.
And then it hit me… maybe this whole popularity thing and our desire to be liked and admired goes beyond just being liked and admired by a lot of people… maybe it is causing us to feel like if we aren’t liked and admired by everyone, then maybe we aren’t worthy of being liked and admired by anyone.
I know, that sounds extreme. But I want to encourage you to be truthful with yourself here… how many times has someone said something hurtful about you, how many times have you felt like you haven’t found a huge group of friends that are your “set” people, how many times have you been excluded from that group outing and your mind starts wondering what exactly is wrong with you that these people don’t necessarily like nor admire nor desire to be your closest friend in the world? It’s kinda crazy how one mean comment, one person not liking us, or an outing that we’re excluded from can cause us to question whether there is anyone who loves and admires and desires to be our friend, but I believe it often happens.
Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re having these thoughts. I used to think I couldn’t possibly be the kind of person who cared about being liked so much, and then I started taking close inventory of the thoughts I was having & why I cared so much what other people thought of me & making sure that everyone liked me (which, news flash, is never gonna happen! Haters gonna hate, you guys.)
I so badly wanted to write this post because I believe someone out there needs to hear these words: you are loved & worthy & enough just as you are, even if you aren’t the most “popular” person in the room and there are people who don’t like you. You’re awesome and you have innate worth. Stop letting your mind tell you things that are far from the truth of who God created you to be. I need to remind myself everyday that I don’t want to live to be liked, I want to live to give love and pursue the callings on my heart. Sometimes we will encounter people who don’t like us & Saturday mornings when we aren’t invited to the brunch & times when we wonder if anyone desires to be in relationship with us and you know what we’re going to do? STOP THE THOUGHTS RIGHT THEN. Remind ourselves of our worthiness. Remind ourselves that living a life to be liked by everyone isn’t truly living and that we want so much more than that.
You are so loved, my friend. You’re loved even when you feel like there aren’t many people who like you. You’re loved even if you don’t have 800 besties. You’re amazing and I so much so hope that you know that. Let’s not live to be “popular”, let’s live to make impact & change lives & give love in huge bursts to everyone around us.
Always,
Elle
P.S. Here’s a photo of me wearing a bedazzled pink princess crown to remind you all that you’re QUEENS. That is all. <3
