Note: written December 22nd, 2020. <3
I write this from my aisle seat on my flight back to Chicago. Last night, we received word that my Papa had unexpectedly passed away.
My heart hurts. It’s in moments like these that I wonder why God allows pain & heartbreak & suffering & death. I’m angry. I’m heartbroken. I miss my Papa and his joy and laughter and kindness that captivated every room he walked into.
Younger me would’ve been very private about the pain I’m feeling. But as I sit on this plane, tears streaming down my face, I realized that maybe it’s in the moments of vulnerability that our common humanity–despite what appears to be a year full of division– is seen and love abounds.
I don’t know what you are walking through today, but I do know this: God’s got you. The heartbreak and the hurt and the pain of your life is not meant to be the final destination. It is in these moments and seasons that I’m realizing just how good God is– and the sadness in my soul right now is simultaneously the beginning of my Papa’s life in heaven. No more pain; no more suffering. Perfect, eternal life. Oh, how much hope there is to be found in believing that the end here on earth is not the end with God.
Christmas is in a couple days. In what’s supposed to be a season full of cheer, I feel a knot in my stomach and tears down my cheeks. It’s sometimes hard to honor and celebrate the good when the hard is, well, hard. I’m deciding today, however, that bittersweetness IS possible. Though my heart hurts, I’m going to choose to still see the good. And maybe even sing some Christmas songs– my Papa and I used to love to sing together.
We can feel the bitter while acknowledging the sweet. Life is going to be really hard at times, but there is always, always, something good to be found.
Hold onto that hope.
Always,
Elle