What a season this has been. A season of change, a season of new normals, a season of firsts. And yet, despite it all, and despite the craziness of what’s going on in the news, I am being reminded now more than ever that God is good. I truly believe that our world needed a break to recenter and refocus for what is to come. This season of slowness gave us the ability to connect to what truly matters, to focus internally on the areas of our hearts that need mending, and to realign our vision for the future.
I had quite the quarantine. From living in Florida for two unexpected months, to moving out of my sorority house room in Texas, to adjusting back to life in Chi, there have very clearly been a few things that I have been learning and ways in which I have been stretched. I feel SO strongly that I need to share these things with you guys today. My hope is that someone reading this feels known, heard, and understood. And that maybe, just maybe, by hearing me write out the things God has been doing in my heart and life, that you, too, can be encouraged that you are not alone.
So, where to begin? Let’s start at the end of my spring break in early March. I had received the news that TCU would be having online classes for the foreseeable future and that life was definitely going to look a lot different. The masks started coming out, the Trader Joe’s began limiting the number of shoppers in the store, and I knew things were getting real. It seemed almost surreal; like something out of a futuristic movie.
And then, the reality of me being alone in Florida for a week sank in. Read all about my time solo here.
7 days later, my fam came to join me and boy were we BLESSED to be in such warm, beautiful weather for the beginning of all the corona craziness. The nerves were real and I began going class via Zoom while sitting in our hot tub (no joke). I was feeling so many things… happy because I was getting extra time with my fam, anxious about what the HECK was happening in the world, some fear, some relief, sad because I might not get to see my friends and keep all our fun plans for the semester and just all.the.things.
We decided to stay in Florida for the majority of quarantine and it was SO FUN. My routine consisted of waking up, putting my swimsuit on, going for long walks, reading, doing class, and hanging with my family. For what seemed like the first time in forever, I had time to think. To just be. To pray without the hurry of needing to be somewhere. But if I’m being honest, I also struggled to wrestle with the loss of my hope of what I thought life would look like during that time. I had a timeline, which was completely eradicated. Gone. Boy, bye.
Life was slow, and in that slowness, I realized so much. I realized that busyness does not equate to satisfaction. I was able to analyze how I had been living and what had been filling my schedule and take a step back to ask myself if after all this I wanted to keep all these things in my life. I realized who matters most to me and got to thinking about how I could invest even more in those relationships. I realized that I want to live a life where there’s time to read good books and deep belly laugh and not feel hurried; a life with long conversations at the dinner table & time to soak up the sunset & listen to a song and really, truly listen to the words without 1,000 thoughts racing through my mind. You guys, I even began to meditate. Yes, meditate.
I had the time to realign my life with my goals. To remember why it is I’m here on earth. I know that sounds deep & kinda cliché, but hey, I am deep (never cliché though ; ) ). When a pandemic occurs and everything you once knew is put on hold for awhile, you realize that life is special & we only get one. I don’t want to live a single day thinking about what could be. I don’t want to ever hold back on how I feel or let fear determine choices I make. I want to love deep and feel deep, the good and the hard and the happy and the sad. I want to take some crazy chances and be crazy vulnerable. Taking time to slowdown let me feel it… all of it. And though sometimes it’s easier to distract ourselves with the busyness of life then to really, truly feel, I realized that the hurry that can distract us from feeling some of the hard things is the same hurry that will prevent us from fully feeling the amazing things. Some of my most special moments are now moments that occurred while in lockdown, sitting outside with my family as we talked about our hopes & desires & laughed so dang hard about the silliest things.
Most importantly, I have learned that God’s plans are better than mine. Not going to lie, I had this very clear plan of how I thought March-now would go. I had places to be and people to see and a timeline of when I thought it all would happen. This whole corona virus thing put a realllll big damper on my plans, and if I’m being honest, at first I was like why God? Why is this happening? Soon after that thought crossed my mind, I saw it. I saw the good coming out of this. I saw the families reunited & the moms and dads with enough time to be at home & college kids who could grow their relationships with their siblings & people at the dinner table again & time to read & write & reflect. Though hard at times and difficult in many ways, the slowness of life gave us the time to recenter and refocus that so many of us needed.
God allowed the hard thing to happen so that even better things could occur. And isn’t that so often what happens in our lives? Something hard or confusing happens and we wonder why and later realize that it was in that hard time or moment that we grew the most, learned the most, and became more and more of who we were meant to be. What once was confusing becomes one of the most defining seasons or moments of our lives.
I’m learning so much. I’m seeing God show up, even in the hard things. I’m noticing my heart change and I’m having clearer vision for what I want my future to look like… how I want to live & love & be. I hope you–whoever is reading this–knows that God is working, even when it might not be clearly visible at the moment. I hope you know you’re not alone, that whatever you may have felt throughout all this is so valid and okay. And most importantly, I hope that you’ve had the time to slow down, too; the time to notice the little things about you & this life that are so dang special.
We’ve got one shot at this life. Dream big, love big, and say it first. I’m realizing it’s always worth it.
Let’s live, fully.
Always,
Elle