Oh hey, 21!!! I honestly can not believe I’ve already been living this life for 21 YEARS. Whaaat?!
These past 21 years have taught me more than I could ever put into words. But as I enter into this next season, there are a few things I have truly been learning more than ever before. This past year of my life has been one of the most transformative thus far; a year of boundless good & deep, soul-wrenching work to shape my heart in many ways. God has used this last year (one the world may see as solely crazy or unexpected) and used it for SO MUCH GOOD. I have happy tears just sitting here thinking about it.
So, what did this past year teach me?
The biggest thing I learned is this:
Life is to be lived.
I know, it sounds simple. But as I reflect on this past year, I noticed something… in my attempts to live the best, fullest, most beautiful life possible, I was missing out on actually fully living. Sometimes, life is not to be attempted. It is just to be lived.
In my efforts to plan everything out perfectly, I was losing presence. And as I’ve learned this past year, it is in the presence where life is truly lived.
Presence to take a deep breath & sit & read and get lost in a good story. Presence to have a 3-hour long dinner with my family and laugh our booties off. Presence to sit with my grandparents and ask them bajillions of questions about their life & what they’ve learned. Presence to take a walk & just look around and admire how beautiful this world is. Presence to pray & lean into what God is putting on my heart without the rush of thinking about 439850989 places I have to be today.
Have I mastered this yet? Heck to the no. But I am learning & growing in this area and have seen the ways in which full presence enables me to live deeply & fully.
As a result of my realizations about presence, I have had to learn something else: I am not in control of everything that happens in my life. And it is at the point of letting go of control where I have experienced some of the sweetest, most unexpectedly beautiful parts of my life thus far.
I remember a distinct moment I had a few months ago where I had a lil’ heart-to-heart (with myself). I knew that there were two options: continue trying to control every situation, outcome, and experience of my life, or completely give it to God. And not just the “oh, I surrender my life to you God, but can you make this happen & help me figure out exactly what to do here & …”. No, this was the realization that my prayers needed to completely shift to “God, I trust you fully. I know you know what is best for me and my life. I give it all to you. Lead me to where I should go and show me the way. I no longer am placing my trust in certain outcomes that I’ve created in my head.” And you guys, wow. When I had this shift, it was like the biggest weight ever was lifted off my shoulders. I felt true peace. Despite the anxiousness of any circumstances, I just had this deep peace in my soul that I can’t even describe. At this moment of surrender, so many beautiful & unexpected things began happening in my life; things I couldn’t even dream up on my own if I tried.
This year… wow. I am truly just so grateful.
Grateful that I get to be alive. Grateful that I have so many incredible people in my life who love me so well & point me closer to who I was made to be. Grateful for all the crazy adventures & areas I’ve grown & the ways in which my life has unfolded.
And 21? Oh boy, I’m ready for ya. I’m trusting more than ever that this year is going to be so, so good. And for the first time in my life, I really don’t have any timeline or expectations or ways in which I think it should perfectly unfold… because I know that God’s way is going to be so much more freaking amazing than my own. <3
Thanks for all the bday love this past week!!!
xo
Always,
Elle